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My dad died a year ago today. Multiple myloma won the fight and my dad passed quietly. We spent the last two weeks just being together at his house,my sisters and brother and all my dad’s friends and family coming and going. It was a good send off – we all said the things we needed to say but it was the hardest two weeks of my life. This last year has been a challenge in that I can’t call my dad and I know he won’t be calling me, can’t come by and see the kids or my newest litter – or even my new website. My camera has been like therapy for me,something to immerse myself in and just not be here,if you know what I mean.

The last few weeks I have felt much better,I haven’t fought the daily sadness of my loss but reveled in the spring coming ,the love of my family and friends and truly just been grateful. I know my dad would be so upset to know that daily I missed him so much that I could barely function . Today was a good day, I stayed busy all day and the music seemed to all be about living now,enjoy it now,love it now – it all seemed to be an affirmation to live – like my dad was running my mp3 player. I know it is a weird thought but I do feel that way. I miss my dad, I miss his voice and his stupid jokes, I miss him puttering around in the kitchen – I just miss him. they say it gets easier but sometimes I am just not sure.

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March 2007
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